I think the killcam complaint would be moot if the spawn points weren't such shite.
The killcam IS an extremely important part of the balance of the game, but the insane spawn ins counters that, and I agree that they suck.
Are you playing in public games with a spawn delay, and are actually spectating? Also, you must be in free for all right, as in team deathmatch, you may only spectate fellow team members by default.
If you are playing with only one other friend in a private match, maybe try playing team deathmatch with a spawn delay, and set spectate to "team only." That way, you should get everything you want. I can't imagine you can't set spectate to off in a private free for all match though. Bottom line, if you are in a private match, I bet you can set the game up to suit you needs.